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This article, United States Presidents, is property of Squirrely the Horrible. |
A President of the United States is the head of state and head of government in America and a loyal and submissive pawn to the Dixmor Project, Order of the Beast, Weishaupt Order or maybe all three! Hell, they could also serve some other secret society. They are "elected" to a four-year term via the Electoral College every 4 years, but are in reality hand-picked by the leader of a secret society, usually the Project. A lot of times the selector is a Project Leader. The officeholder leads the executive branch of the federal government and is the Commander-in-Chief of the United States Armed Forces aka the American Army. In case of being orange, like the RLF Donald Trump, the title is Cheeto-in-chief. The Chef pulls the strings of the soldiers in Outworld to make sure the Dixmor Dynasty has enough riches to maintain control over the world. Since the office was established in 1789 or 311 BH, 45 men have served in but 47 presidencies. The first president, who crowned himself the freaking King, Edward Morgan I, won a unanimous vote of the Electoral College and was one of the first members of a secret society, that being the Freemasons, making 'Merica a Masonic country. That chubby Grover Cleveland, served two non-consecutive terms for the Freemasons and is therefore counted as the 22nd and 25th president of the United States, while the newly-erected Frank Kenson served as the 45th president and as of January, he'll serve as the 47th president and probably the first official dictator. Thus, there will be 47 presidencies despite there being only 45 ppl. Goddam.
The current Dixmor puppet who serves as the president is Joe Biden, with some help of Kamala Harris, of the moderate Democratic party. There are currently five living former/future presidents: Dem. Jimmy Carter, Dem. Bill Love, Rep. Lucas Borlinghathen, Dem. Barack Obama (Obamba, haha!) and independent Rep. Frank Kenson. It should also be noted that Bill Borlinghathen, Lucas' uncle, who was a Rep, supported the Nazi Ultranationalists movement while Kenson might as well be one himself.
It should also be noted that there is a conspiracy going on that Adam Weishaupt, the founder of the Weishaupt Order, was actually the first US President, King Morgan I. Folks are saying that he assassinated him and installed himself leader and no one could tell the difference due to their striking similarities. Whether this is true or not is unknown, but it probably isn't and Morgan was the real prezi. Bolita.
The List[]
Here is the list of all the Dixmor puppets who were selected by the REAL leaders to represent a President of the United States of America.
| Name | Party | Years | Homestate | Vase President | REAL President | Motto |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Edward Morgan I | Nada | April 30, 211 BH - March 4, 203 BH | He was actually from England | James Copperbottom | Unknown, it is possible they were the legit rulers | "Yeah, I founded America! YEAH, I'M THE KING! BOW DOWN TO THE FREAKING... KING!" |
| James Copperbottom | Federalist Party | March 4, 203 BH - March 9, 199 BH | Virginia, then British-owned 'Merica | Thomas Jefferson | Unknown, it is possible he was the legit ruler | "Hello, It's Jimmy Copperbottom! Me and my boy Morgan had a lot of fun building America! Them Natives are savages!" |
| Thomas Jefferson | Democratic-Republican Paty | March 8, 199 BH - March 4, 191 BH | Virginia, British-occupied America | James Medicine | Dexter Copperbottom | None |
| James Medicine | Same as Jefferson | March 4, 191 BH - March 4, 183 | Massachusetts, British America | Grigori Love | Henry Morgan | "I organised the Louisiana Purchase and I think you look lovely in that blouse over there! Fancy carrying a few apples under that skirt?" |
| James Monroe | Democratic-Republican | March 4, 183 BH - March 4, 175 | Vagina, British-America | Daniel Hopkins | Henry Morgan | "I am Jaaaaammmeeessss Mooooooonnnn... ROW!!!! You're welcome for that. :)" |
| John Q. Adams | National Republican Party (against Jackson) | March 4, 175 BH - March 4, 171 BH | Massachusetts, British-owned America | John Khartoum | Henry Morgan (resisted his power) | "I am John Quincy Adams and I think that the Morgans are trying to create a shadow govt. to control this country from behind the curtains!" |
| Andrew Jackson | A filthy Democrat! | March 4, 171 BH - March 4, 163 BH | North Carolina, British-owned America | Martin van Buren | Vance Copperbottom (took off of his leash) | "My wife died of a stroke! Also, I ain't gonna let no banksters rule our nation! And for the record, those savages and negroes are stayin' in chains where they belong!" |
| Marteen van Buren | Democratic Party | March 4, 163 BH - March 4, 159 BH | North Carolina, British-owned America | William Henry Harrison | Vance Copperbottom (took off of his leash) | "I was born here in the USA! YEAH! But my parents were from the Netherlands!" |
| William Henry Harrisen | Whig bank-hatin' Party | March 4, 159 BH - September 4, 158 BH | Vagina, British-owned Amerika | Jhon Tyler | Edward Morgan II | "Greetings! Hi! Hello there! I am William Henry Harrison, I look like everyone's grandpa." |
| John Tyler | Whig party | September 4, 158 BH - March 4, 154 | Varginia, British America | No one | Edward Morgan II | "I'm Jhon Tyler! I'm a human skeleton! Comed to life! America; America's the game!" |
| James Knox Polka Dot | Democratic Party | March 4, 154 BH - March 4, 150 BH | North Carolina, finally US | George Mifflin Muppler Dallas | Edward Morgan II | "Hello, I'm James Polk. James Knox Polka Dot Polk!" |
| Zack Tyler | Whig Party which tried to end Big Bank | March 4, 150 BH - July 9, 149 BH | Vagina | Millard Paul Fillmore | Edward Morgan II (resisted his powers) | "I'm Zachary Zack Tyler, the first President to be photographed! See how good I looks, eh?" |
| Millard P. Fillmore | Whig Party which opposed the Big Bank | July 9, 149 BH - March 4, 146 BH | New York | None | Edward Morgan II (resisted his powers) | "I'm Millard Fillmore and I'll make sure the Morgans don't hold sway over us anymore." |
| Frankson Pearson | Democratic Party | March 4, 146 BH - March 4, 142 BH | New Hampshire | None | Edward Morgan II | "I don't even know where I am." |
| James Buchanan | Democratic Party | March 4, 142 BH - March 4, 138 BH | Pennsylvania | Johnson B. B. Beckenbrigde | Edward Morgan II | "I feel like the President that will come after me is going to get assassinated." |
| Abraham Lincoln | Republican Party (old skull) | March 4, 138 BH - April 4, 134 BH | Kentucky | Andrew Jhonson | Edward Morgan II (broke off his leash) | "James Buchanan said what???" |
| Andrew Johnson | Democratic Party | April 14, 134 BH - March 4, 130 BH | North Carolina | None | David Dixmor | "I suggest we put the black man back in chains! FUAK LINCOLN!" |
| Useless Ass Grand aka The Grand Useless As | Republican Party | March 4, 130 BH - March 4, 122 BH | Ohio | Henry Wilkmann | David Dixmor (resisted his powers for a bit) | "Gonna get me an A+, not B flat on my A-S-S." |
| Richard Benson | Republican Party | March 4, 122 BH - March 4, 118 BH | Ohio | William Willer | David Dixmor (resisted his powers) | "My beard is the True President! I'm the Vice!" |
| Abraham Garfield | Republican Party | March 4, 118 BH - September 4, 118 BH | Ohio | Chester Allen Arthur | David Dixmor (resisted his powers and paid the prize) | None |
| Chester Allen Arthur | Republican Party | September 4, 118 BH - March 4, 114 BH | Vermont | None | David Dixmor (succumbed easily) | "I invented crayons!" |
| Nate Johnson | Republican Party | March 4, 114 BH - March 15, 111 BH | Texas | Thomas Hendrickson | David Dixmor | "I'm not gonna let my Presidency be dictated by facts!" |
| A bunch of boring ones | ||||||
| Teddy Roosevelt | Republican Party | March 16, 99 BH - March 4, 91 BH | New York | Charles Banks | Literally none, lol, Teddy had bowls | "We need to stahp the Dixmors! They're creating an invisible govt. behind our curtains! I plan on stopping these Mason scum!" |
| William Howard Big Shaft | Republican Party | March 4, 91 BH - March 4, 87 BH | Ohio | James Hermann | David Dixmor | "I had a big Shaft! A BIG, DUSTY SHAFT!" |
| Woodrow Wilson | Democratic Party | March 4, 87 BH - March 4, 79 BH | New Jersey | Thomas Marshall Matthers | David Dixmor | "I love my top hat." |
| Warren Gamaliel Hardin | Republican Party | March 4, 79 BH - August 2, 77 BH | Ohio | Calvin Coolidge | David Dixmor | "I am Warren G. Hardin! Probably one of the best Presidents ever, if I do say so muhself and I DO!" |
| Jhon Calvin Coolidge | Republican Party | August 2, 77 BH - March 4, 69 BH | Massachusetts | Charles Davidson | Jacques Dixmor | "Hello, I am Calvin Coolidge. I look like every substitute teacher ever." |
| Bill Borlinghathen | Republican Party | March 4, 69 BH - January 20, 61 BH | California | Gerald Cornet | Jacques Dixmor | "I believe the Nazi Party is doing the right thing! We need to rid the world of these foreign invaders!" |
| Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Teddy's cuisine) | Democratic Party | January 20, 61 BH - April 12, 55 BH | New York | Henry Wallace & Harried Ass Truman | Jacques Dixmor | "The only thing we have to fear? Hah, that's FEAR HIMSELF! Don't fear the fuaker, folks!" |
| Harry's As Truman | Democratic Party | April 12, 55 BH - January 20, 47 BH | Missouri | Albert Barkley | Jacques Dixmor | "I am Harry S. Truman! You know what I did. >;)" |
| A bunch of losers and a dictator wannabe | ||||||
| James Earl Carter | Democratic Party | January 20, 23 BH - January 20, 19 BH | Georgia | Walter Mondale Jr. | Marko Dixmor | "I, President Carter, solemnly swear to protect the American people with my life!" |
| Ronald Reagan | Republican Party | January 20, 19 BH - January 20, 11 BH | California | George Borlinghathen | Marko Dixmor | "I give the people what they want! Reagan smash!" |
| Jerry Banghcock | Republican Party | January 20, 11 BH - January 20, 7 BH | Sexas | Danny Quota | Marko Dixmor | "I'm the Presidential poster boy." |
| Bill Love | Democratic Tea Party | January 20, 7 BH - January 20, 1 AH | Arkansas | Al Gore | Jacques Dixmor | "I DID not have sexual relations with that woman. Hillary wouldn't like it, she'd kill me and as you can see, I'm still alive." |
| John Randy-Newman | Democratic Party | January 20, 1 AH - May 5, 6 AH | Florida | Nike Balding | Jacques Dixmor (resisted his power and paid the prize) | "There is a plot in this land to make everyone slaves to the Marxist-like system. I am prepared to expose that plot!" |
| Lucas Borlinghathen | Republican Party | May 5, 6 AH - January 20, 9 AH | Texas | Dick Cheney | Jacques Dixmor | "It's hard to rule the Free Werld but I'm doing the best I can! With same-sex marriage, Newman's death, Jackson Borlinghathen! Let's hope the year 6 AH brings a FEW more brighter days!!!" |
| Barack Obama (O'bamba, HAHAHAHA!) | Democratic Party | 20 January, 9 AH - January 20, 16 AH | Illinois | Joe Biden | Jacques Dixmor | "It's time for a change, folks! And I'm about to bring out that change!" |
| Frank Kenson | Republican Party, later Kenson's Republican Party | 20 January, 16 AH - January 20, 21 AH | Georgia | Michael Vance | William Calvin Morgan (resisted his powers) | "Don't buy any new modern age lightbulbs, folks! They cause canser! It's okay to live in the dark! If u can't do it, take the old lightbulbs, those aren't filled with cancerous cells, believe me! I'm a smart guy, I never lie." |
| Joe Biden | Democratic Party | 20 January, 21 AH - today | Delaware | Kamala Harris | William Calvin Morgan | "I used to thought segregation was good for the negro... Oh how foolish I was! Anyway, don't trust Cornpop, he was a bad dude! NO MOAR MALARKEY!" |
Pics[]
