The Bajs

This article, The Bajs, is property of Demon Redwood.

"Greetings there! I am Bajs. THE BAJS! My... race? My species, rather? I am the great mighty poo! And I am going to throw my sith at you! A great supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish! Have about some scat, you little twat?! Hear my rectal rumblings! They'll send you tumbling to demise! From this planet to Uranus - There are none who match my size! Sith upon your face, my song of slop shall mesmerise! I am the Lord! The Lord upon the loo! The Poo now claims you as his prize! Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhh! Ahh-ahh-ahh... Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhh.. Ahh-ahh-ahh... Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhh! (Spits and coughs like an SOB) Do you really think you'll survive in here? You don't seem to know in which creek you're in. Sweet corn is the ONLY THING dat makes it through my rear! How do you think I keep up this lovely grin? Hohohoho! Have some more caviar, prik! Now the cavern crumbles by my mighty invocation! Feel my crushing weight and mass! Haha, the fruits of defecation! By the unholy power vested in my dung of arbitration, I'll split you in twain! Not Mark, but like an anal laceration! Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhh.. Ahh-ahh-ahh... Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhhhaaa! (Coughs and spits again) Now I'm really getting rather mad! You're like a wiggly-tiggly sithy little tag nut! When I've knocked you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt! Yes, my butt! MY BUTT! MY... BOTOX! MEIN... BUTTOCKS! I am the very model of a modern mound of excrescence and yet a piece of sith squirrel like you dares to stand against my eminence! Puny little squirrels can't withstand my faecal armaments! From my throne, my rule of stool shall bury you in excrement! Ah-ah-ahhh... Ah-ahhh! Ah-ah-ahhh! (Coughs, retches and spits) Ahhh, ahhhhh, ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I am Bajs! The Great Mighty Poo and I'm going to throw my sith at you! A huge supply of tishen, comes from my chocolate starfishen! How about some scat, you little twat? Fall now, you're snared in my trap! There is no escape from all this crap! My realm of constipation brings your extermination! Eat my load of sith, you little twit!"

— The Bajs represents himself to you and sings his entire opera

The Bajs (real name Bajer Påawf), also known as The Great Mighty Poo is a breathing, talking, sliding and singing piece of crap. He is a literal sentient sith who came out of the butt of a certain Outworlder, of a Swedish descent and he owns his own lair deep under the sewer systems of East Outworld. Or he did, until the planet got merged into either the Netherworld or Orinion, depending on the timeline.

Info[]

One random day on Outworld, some alien guy with Swedish roots (as his mother was from Earth), decided to take a dump in a large swamp near a Kytinn nest after eating some cordonia (some weird, sentient food). What he didn't realise however, was that the swamp he took a poop in was built over a sewer or drain system and the cordonian food survived his stomach and bowels, thus giving life to the poop that named itself Bajer Påawf, also known as Bajs, which literally means doo-doo in Swedish. His "creator" then died when he disturbed the Kytinn hive and got cannibalised and tortured. Coincidentally, this would become the poo's main method of attacking his victims.

Once the squirrel protagonist known as Conker arrives on Outworld, specifically the East part where there is a swampy area that leads to the sewer systems, he hears from a Kytinn that his/her (we never learn of the bug's gender) friends were abducted by a mysterious monster made from sith, never to be seen again and most likely eaten. We then see the Poop making some moves in the sewer system and giving everyone the finger. When Conker enters the Mighty Poo's cavern, he hears a booming voice demanding corn and decides to comply, since he had corn with himself and had no use for it. Then Bajs emerges from the middle with a terrified last grain of corn in his hand, and places it into his upper jaw as one of his teeth since he uses them for teeth. For reasons unknown, but possibly out of racism since sith is known for being quite racist, this crap creature takes an instant dislike the squirrel, Conker and goes into a musical rampage in which he sings, with some very colourful language, how he will destroy him, while hurling bits of itself or crap at Conker in an attempt to kill him or suffocate him in sith. Eventually the Bajs is defeated with toilet paper and Conker can progress.

How was he beat? Well, our lord of crap's projectiles were dodged by Conker and he looked around for toilet paper that the Kytinn set there beforehand, which he used to throw into the crap's open mouth when he sang, before he vanishes and emerges somewhere else in the area. After six or seven successful shots to his loud mouth, as he wouldn't stop singing, the Great Mighty Bajs will sing so loudly that the glass protecting the lid that opens the sewer downwards or flushes it will break.

Death[]

"Ah! You cursed squirrel! Look what you've done! Look! LOOK! I'm flushing! I'm flushing! I AM! Oh, what a world! Wat a world. Who'd have thought a good little squirrel like you could have destroyed my beautiful clagginess!?? Who? I'm going! I'm drowining! Aahh, no! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaahahahahahaa!!!! Oh crap."

— Bajs' last words

Conker then reached it, although barely and covered in poo, and activated the switch or button and the Bajs would be flushed away, down into the unknown deeper parts of the sewer, never to be heard from again or seen, while complaining in a whiny matter, almost sing-song like, like some Wicked Witch of the west. Needless to say, it is doubtful anyone will miss this POS as it didn't contribute to anything on the planet at all, except eating off some Kytinns, but they haven't been a problem for years.

Trivia[]

He is considered one of the more or most bizarre villains on the Wiki and it's not hard to see why.
He likes to speak or sing in broken German to sound fancy, despite technically being Swedish.
Bajer is not to be mistaken with Basil Carlos, aka Clayface from DC.
Despite what one may think, he has no relation to Doktor Bajskorv, despite the fact that they're both Swedish and their names relates to sith, but Bajskorv is actually a bear while Bajer is an actual... well, Bajs, which means crap.