Russia

This article, Russia, is property of Squirrely the Horrible.

For the character, see Ivan Braginski

Russia (Russian: Россия, tr. Rossiya), officially known as both Russia and the "Russian Federation" (Russian: Российская Федерация, tr. Rossiyskaya Federatsiya) (today more commonly known as "Madman's Land" and the "cuckhold nation"), is a country in northern Eurasia which went from an already troubled and homophobic country to a full-on dictatorship thanks to one short, bald man. It is a federal semi-presidential republic, comprising 83 federal subjects. From northwest to southeast, Russia shares borders with Norway and Finland (Nordic country), Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland (both via Kaliningrad Oblast), Belarus, Ukraine, Georgia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, the People's Republic of China, Mongolia, and North Korea. It also has maritime borders with Japan by the Sea of Okhotsk, and the United States by the Bering Strait. They also used to own Alaska before they sold to the US. At 17,075,400 square kilometres (6,592,800 sq mi), Russia is the largest country in the world, covering more than one eighth of the Earth's inhabited land area, yet despite this, it's ruler wants more and more land. Russia is also the ninth most populous nation with 143 million people. It extends across the whole of northern Asia and 40% of Europe, spanning nine time zones and incorporating a wide range of environments and landforms. Russia has the world's largest reserves of mineral and energy resources. It has the world's largest forest reserves and its lakes contain approximately one-quarter of the world's fresh water.

The nation's history began with that of the East Slavs, who emerged as a recognizable group in Europe between the 3rd and 8th centuries AD. Founded and ruled by a Varangian warrior elite and their descendants, the medieval state of Rus, arose in the 9th century. In 988, it adopted Orthodox Christianity from the Byzantine Empire through violent conquest by christians, beginning the synthesis of Byzantine and Slavic cultures that defined Russian culture for the next millennium, unjustly. Those who rejected the jewguy from the sky got burnt to a stake or were tortured in the most heinous ways imaginable. Kievan Rus ultimately disintegrated into a number of smaller states; most of the Rus' lands were overrun by the Mongol invasion and became tributaries of the nomadic Golden Horde and that Genghis Khan dude. The Grand Duchy of Moscow gradually reunified the surrounding Russian principalities, achieved independence from the Golden Horde, and came to dominate the cultural and political legacy of Kievan Rus' or Rus. By the 18th century, the nation had greatly expanded through christian conquest, annexation, and exploration to become the Russian Empire, which was the third largest empire in xistian history, stretching from Poland in Europe to Alaska in North America.

Following the Russian Revolution led by the godlike Lenin and the Bolsheviks, Russia became the largest and leading constituent of the Soviet Union, the world's first constitutionally socialist state and a recognized superpower, that played a decisive role in the Allied victory in World War II. The Soviet era saw some of the greatest technology achievements of the 20th century thanks to Stalin alone and none of the religious scholars who wanted to hinder his progress in any way they could, but the Man of Steal would have none of that BS. The Soviet Union, for example, had the world's first human spaceflight. The Russian Federation was founded following the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991 or -9 BH when the world started to take an ugly turn towards communism, calling it a failed system and proclaimed that "it never worked". However, the RF was recognized as the continuing legal personality of the Soviet state for the time being until Putin completely erased the Soviet name away and ushered a new era full of homophobia and racism. Russia has the world's 11th largest economy by nominal GDP or the 6th largest by purchasing power parity, with the 5th largest nominal military budget. It is one of the five recognised nuclear weapons states and (allegedly) possesses the largest stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. The others include the US, DPRK, Pakistan, China and Israel. However, Russia and all of the other aforementioned countries' powers cannot possibly match the weapons of mass destruction of the Never Never Land, Orinion or Boolos, most powerful planets in the universe where Queen Almeida's law prevails, YOUR life is through! Despite being such a butthurt and crummy country, Russia is still a great power and a permanent member of the United Nations Security Council, a member of the G8, G20, the Council of Europe, the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation, the Shanghai Cooperation Organisation, the Eurasian Economic Community, the Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE), and is the leading member of the Commonwealth of Independent States, while America, NATO, the EU and the UN hate it and her guts and wish to see it destroyed, but that is to be expected since Russia invaded Ukraine for no real reason. Russia has been characterised as a potential superpower by a number of academics, military analysts, and public policy and economics analysts while those who are biased for it say it is so powerful it can smash the entire US in seconds and Europe will be forced to whip it's butt in the future. God, I hope not.