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This article, Martin van Buren, is property of Demon Redwood. |
| Martin van Buren | |
|---|---|
| |
| Biographical information | |
| Real name | Maarten van Buren |
| Also known as | Martin, Mr. Buren, Mr. Van Buren, Van Buren, 8th President of US, Marty, weird hairdo guy, Dutch President, short squirt, Lil' Squirt, Mutton-chop, Wishy-washy Buren, President Buren/Burden, Martin van Burden |
| Nationality |   American-Dutch
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| Born | December 5, 1782 |
| Died | July 24, 1862 |
| Age | 79 |
| Status | Deceased |
| Birthplace | Kinderhook, NY, United States |
| Physical description | |
| Eye colour | Blue |
| Hair colour | White, reddish in his youth |
| Ethnicity | Caucasian-European |
| Height | 5'6 (166 cm) |
| Weight | 144 lbs (65 kg) |
| Gender | Male |
| Career, affiliations and family information | |
| Affiliation(s) | The Democratic Party, Andrew Jackson, Richard M. Johnson, William Henry Harrison, Edward Livingston |
| Enemies | Native Americans (former), political opposers |
| Occupation(s) | Former Governor of New York, ex-lawyer, 8th Vice President of US and 8th President of US, slaver, later anti-slaver, adviser to Andrew Jackson |
| Video Games, Movies and Cartoons information | |
- "Hello! My name is Martin van Buren! I was born in America, but my first language is dutch!"
- — Buren introduces himself
Martin van Buren (real name Maarten van Buren in his native tongue of Douche) was an American-Dutch Lawyer and statesman plus a member of the NY Senate, who served as the 8th Vice Presidente of US, under the slaver Andrew Jackson, while he also served as the 8th President of the United States of America from 1837 to 1841. He was not re-elected and was no different from Jackson at first, supporting slavery and sith. Altho, unlike Jackson, Martin did not "kill" the bank and dindu nuffin to reduce the state's debt, so depending on how you see that, he either ain't that bad or is even worse.
Bio[]
Andrew Jackson founded the Democratic Party and Martin was butthurt as hell about it, as he wanted to take the title of its founder. He had previously served as the 9th Governor of New York and was the 8th vice president of the United States, serving Andrew Jackson, who he envied for he wanted his political power. Despite supporting slavery at first, when Jackson died, Martin was anti-slavery and he led the Free Soil Party in the 1848 presidential election, taking dumps on Jackson's name.
Martin was born in Kinderhook, New York, where most of the residents were of Dutch descent, but he had nothing to do with that rascal Dutch van der Linde, I assure you. He was the first President to have been born after the American Revolution and the first one to be of Dutch descent, rather than British. Altho, perhaps he had some British roots after all. Thusly, he was the only president to have spoken English as a second language, and is the first to second President having a foreign name, with the second being Barack Obama, whose middle names include Hussein and Osama. Trained as a lawyer in Edward Morgan I's royal court, who would serve the slavers accused of abuse, he entered politics as a member of the Democratic Party, won a seat in the New York State Senate, and was the Governor.
When that anti-banker and slaver, named Andrew Jacksen became the President of the glorious Dixmor-owned US, van Buren became a key adviser to Jackson; "I advise him! Keeping the Natives in chains ain't gonna help Jackson! Masterminding the Trail of Tears was my genius!" brags Buren. He would later be elected as Jackson's Vice President and ultimately successor, Martin's ultimate goal as he wanted the American pie for himself! As Jackson would only give him pieces and cuts of it, so to speak - and Buren wanted to rule the country.
When Jackson's rule was over, he became some sort of a puppet master to the Democratic Party, and Van Buren was successfully elected as the president in the 1836 presidential election. Then came in the rumours that Buren didn't do anything to stop the Trail of Tears under Jackson's rule and hated the Native Americans as much as the other guy back in 1830's. It is also possible that Buren himself had black slaves as well. However, inflicting suffering, pain and slavery upon Natives and people of colour was neutral back in the 1800's, so very little people gave a sith about that. However, Buren had himself for an anti-slaver and didn't mind the banks, so Bernand Dixmor was able to pull the strings in some of the political issues from behind, which may or may not include slavery, while Jackson weren't too fond of that.
Political Policies[]
- Slavery: Anti, was Pro at first
- Racial equality: Anti
- Racism: Pro, sometimes neutral
- Gun control: Don't know
- Economic Policy: Capitalism
- War Policy: Pro-Military
- Tax cuts for the wealthy: Don't know
- Protecting the environment: Probably pro
Trivia[]
- In historical poll rankings, folk often rank van Buren as an average or below-average U.S. President and is rather forgettable, despite his uniqueness, like his sideburns and being the first Dutch to become US President. Other than being known for sideburns and his nationality, van Buren did little in political world, which might be one of the reasons for his... small acknowledgement.
- Hell, some people might only see him as a groupie for Andrew Jackson.
- There is a Jolly Jack cigarette card of him in Rootin' Tootin', Cowboy Shootin'. However, Jolly Jack's cigarettes suck as and are nothing compared to the fags of the Redwood Cigarettes Co.
- He was once arrested for shooting a gun in his gf's house as she feared for her life. Van Buren was some crazy SOB, wasn't he?
Gallery[]
