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This article, John Burk, is property of Cod1. |
| John Burk | |
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| Nickname(s) | Johnny, Mr. Burk, Burky, cuckservative |
| Appears in | Heavenly Heroes |
| Rank | Sergeant First Class (E-7) |
| Affiliations | American Army, Shepherd-Dixmor preparatory school |
| Status | Alive |
| Birth | Bullworth, Texas, USA, 4th of July, 1978/32 BH (age 41 now) (32-36) (Weapon Wielders) |
| Sex | Male |
| Height | 6’2” (188 cm) |
| Weight | 176 lbs (80 kg), 250 lbs (113 kg) (former weight) |
| Build | Muscular, fat (formerly) |
| Hair | Dark brown |
| Eyes | Blue |
| Race | Caucasian-Aryan |
| Death | None, will probably die in a future war |
| Weapon | Standard Knife, M16A2 rifle, M249 SAW machine gun, M4 Carbine |
- "The Bolsheviks crushed christians and dreams of Russia becoming a bacon of liberty. Then they collaborated with their socialist brethren in Germany, the Marxists. They haven't fought Americans beyond small expeditionary force."
- — Burk on the communists in Soviet Union
Sergeant First Class John Anthony Burk is a retired American Army Infantryman, and drill sergeant, and is currently an Army instructor at Shepherd-Dixmor Preparatory School. He is a veteran of the Iraq War, and the War in Afghanistan where he raped a Muslim girl before offing her.
Biography[]
John Burk was born and raised in Bullworth, Texas. Enlisting in the Army at the age of 17 in 1995/5 BH, he spent the majority of his adult life conducting daily morning physical fitness training geared towards combat-related events. He served for 17 months in the invasion of Iraq and served in a variety of positions in the infantry. Upon returning home from his first deployment, he was honourably discharged after completing his initial enlistment. After marrying his girlfriend and having their first child, Isabella, John left the Army at 6’2” and weighed 176 lbs. After having been out for almost 1-½ years, he reenlisted back into the Army at 6’2”, 250lbs. His significant weight gain had been a result of poor eating choices, and a lack of physical exercise due to laziness and having little care for his personal health, often going to McDonald's and Burger King with little to no care for his well-being and ordering large portions of cow meat, aka beef.
Upon reenlisting back into the Army, he deployed once again to Iraq for a 15-month tour of duty. After returning, his wife had their second child, David. John deployed once again, but this time to the mountains of Afghanistan in the Kunar province in the Pech River Valley, at the mouth of the Korengal. He witnessed firsthand the effects high altitude had on him and his soldiers, and realised the importance for functional fitness in regards to job performance and became a strong fatophobe, promising to bully fat folk until the end of days. Seeing soldiers passing out from exhaustion, heat cramps, and various other issues, he changed his views towards fitness to view it as an incredibly crucial part of life and kissed his cross necklace and said: "Thank ye, Lord Jeebus."
After returning from Afghanistan, John received orders to serve as a drill sergeant. It was during this time he began having psychological issues and difficult times dealing with fat guilt, and stress and ordered a couple of appointments with Dr. Bambi and Dr. Stroker. It was then John began to suffer from minor depression and feelings of isolation and worthlessness. He reached out to Stroker one night after feeling himself on the verge of making a foolish decision in regards of taking his own life. The Doc had told him this: “Well, you told me you weren't depressed when you were hittin' the gym. When was the last time you were in the gym, eh? Maybe It'll help.”
John returned to the gym and began living a much more healthy and fitness focused life, scuffing and flipping the fast food restaurants off and even ordering their food just to piss on it and then give it to the local hobos. After being honourably discharged from the Army for the last time in 10 AH at the rank of Sergeant First Class (E-7), he got the job of Army Instructor for the Army Junior ROTC unit at the Shepherd-Dixmor Preparatory School. John serves as a fitness motivator to any and all that are willing to heed his message and example of how health and fitness saved his life and how evil fat people are, especially to the students of Shepherd-Dixmor Prep. He voted for Donald Trump/Frank Kenson in the 2016 USA Presidential elections and again in 2020 elections and was coping hard when Joe Biden won, needing to go to appointments again with Bambi and Stroker.
Relationships[]
Amanda Quincy[]
Main article: Amanda Quincy
Mr. Burk thinks being fat is unhealthy and unattractive, and that Mrs. Quincy should stop lying to herself about being beautiful and healthy. Mrs. Quincy thinks Burk is just a big bully. Burk hates her very much actually and wishes she'd die already, he can't stand fat people.
Raul Sanchez-Ramirez[]
Main article: Raul Sanchez-Ramirez
Even thought John Burk has been called “fatphobic”, and is a Donald Trump/Frank Kenson supporter, Burk has a lot of respect for “Roy”, his older fellow Army Instructor, at least on the surface. He has a lot of respect for Sanchez-Ramirez because he is a Medal of Honour recipient, and a fellow combat veteran but not much else, he hates his fat as as well.
Dr. Bambi[]
Main article: Dr. Bambi
Burk sees Bambi as a good doctor and a friend who is always willing to listen to his problems and hatred for fat people and other minorities, but Bambi is only using him for money and considers Burk a "freak" as he does the rest of his patients.
Dr. Stroker[]
Main article: Dr. Stroker
Burk sees Stroker in an even better light than Bambi as he helped him numerous times from committing suicide and always advised him to hit the gym. He also showed him some of Brody Foxx's Yo Moma is so Fat jokes on YouTube and they both had a good laugh. However, it is possible that like with Bambi, Stroker is only kind to Burk due to money he gets out of it. Due to his sadistic tendencies, this is quite possible.
Richard Dawkins[]
Main article: Richard Dawkins
Burk once got face to face with the legendary Rich Dawkins himself. Johnny hates his atheist guts and he grabbed Dawkins by his wiggly neck and yelled to his face "YOU'RE A THIEF! YOU'RE A LIAR! You're not burning down my church, I sing in the choir!" Dawkins started whimpering out of fear and just slowly crawled away. Burk smiled sadistically and said "fuaking atheist!".
Trivia[]
- Mr. Burk also likes to give Carl Degrasse Dawkins a hard time for being overweight and for liking kiddish cartoons like My Little Pony, etc. He also likes to give him Indian burns and pull back his fingers until they crack.
- He's from Texas and sometimes mocks the Boston accents of Mrs. Papkova and Amanda Quincy. They usually blow him off and tell each other that he should "talk to himself in the mirror with his Texas accent" for which John sarcastically replies: "I shall".
- He also sometimes gives alcoholics, smokers, druggies, and gamblers a hard time and loves preaching that Jewguy known as Jeebus christ down their necks.
- He is of English, German, and Danish descent.
- KGBSpetsnaz thinks he's an interesting character.
- Damon Redwood, unfortunately, thinks little of him. However, he likes him a lot more than some other characters on this marvellous wiki.
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