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This article, Irina Spalko, is property of Billy cougar. |
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This article, Irina Spalko, is property of KGBSpetsnaz. |
| Irina Spalko | |
|---|---|
| |
| Biographical information | |
| Real name | Irina Josepenkova Spalko |
| Also known as | Irena, Irina, Arena, Area, Mrs. Spalko, witch |
| Nationality |  Russian
|
| Born | 16th of May, 1925 |
| Died | 8th of August, 1957 |
| Age | 32 |
| Status | Deceased |
| Birthplace | Vladikavkaz, Russia, former USSR, Eurasia |
| Physical description | |
| Eye colour | Blue |
| Hair colour | Dark brown |
| Ethnicity | Aryan-Slavic |
| Height | 5’9” (175 cm) |
| Weight | 132 lbs (59 kg) |
| Blood type | A+ |
| Gender | Female |
| Career, affiliations and family information | |
| Affiliation(s) | Valentin Family, George McHale (formerly) |
| Enemies | Indiana Jones Jr., Mud Williams, Marion Ravenwood, Harold Oxley, George McHale |
| Occupation(s) | Mobster |
| Video Games, Movies and Cartoons information | |
| Main appearance(s) (Video Games) | Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Lego version of the same game |
| Portrayed by | Cate Blanchett |
Irina Josepenkova Spalko was a Russian Mafia member from the Valentin Family who was an adversary of Henry "Indiana" Jones Jr. She was also an archaeologist as well as a very skilled fencer and combatant. Spalko desired the use of the Crystal Skull of Akator, who belonged to some bluish-like Saurian, in order for the crime family she worked for to be the most powerful. Her weapon of choice was a rapier. Spalko was an infamous leader, with a cruel disregard for innocent casualties and harbouring a secret, selfish motivation. As a capo, she did only what was needed to complete the mission at hand.
Biography[]
Irina Spalko was born in Vladikavkaz but raised in a small mountain village in the eastern regions of the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic. When her apparent psychic powers began to manifest themselves, the superstitious villagers shunned her, called her a witch, and worse. Her family was ostracised. Left to herself, she gradually became consumed by a personal quest that would fuel her from then to the last day of her life. Then, as she grew older and more curious, her dissecting of small animals - her innocent attempt to understand life and biology - caused even her own mother to fear her. As soon as she was old enough, she fled the village and mountains altogether, certain that the answers she sought could only be found in the wider world and deeper world.
Her singular quest took her too far and wide; she studied with master yogis, and trained with the best parapsychologists. She learned techniques developed by Nepalese monks and the White Lotus to control her heart rate, her breathing and her body temperature. She studied classical fencing and became an expert with a rapier, sabre and foil.
Eventually Spalko obtained a doctorate and joined the Russian Mafia (under what was then the Soviet Union).
The Hunt for Crystal Skull[]
- "You're a pretty easy man to read, Mr. Jones."
- — Irina to Indiana freaking Jones
In 1957, Irina Spalko became interested in the legends surrounding the lost kingdom of Akator and, especially, the mysterious Crystal Skull she heard so much about. She interpreted the stories as meaning that if she were to return the Skull to the Temple of the Gods, she would be rewarded with all the power and knowledge of the universe. Spalko also saw this as the opportunity she had been waiting for; a chance to discover the meaning behind her strange gifts. Her gang could sell it and make money off of it as well. This was later one of her main goals.
As it were a few years prior, two aliens in a spacecraft had crashed in Russia, the beings inside killed from the impact. These creatures were assumed to be Outworlders or Raptors, but all shared a very uncommon trait: they had abnormally long skulls and massive eye sockets. Both were examined and given autopsies by members of the Russian Mafia and Spalko was a member of the team that studied on their dead, rotting bodies, smelling of rotten goat meat.
Somehow, she learned that a third craft had also crashed onto Earth, but in Roswell, New Mexico, US. She knew that this third traveller was the key to understanding these beings. First, she sent soldier Antonin Dovchenko to capture the archaeologist Indiana Jones and his Australian partner (actually a spy on the mob’s payroll) George McHale.
Jones had been one of the men that had been invited to examine the Roswell spacecraft, and Spalko was determined to get his help in finding the creature's mummified remains, known to have been locked within a crate inside Hangar 51, better known as Area 51. Marston and McHale was drugged and locked inside the trunk of a car, and were brought all the way from their excavation in Mexico to Nevada. On Dovochenko's orders, her men slaughtered the American soldiers standing guard at the hangar's gate. Once the Russian convoy arrived at the warehouse, Jones and George were hauled out. Spalko delayed showing herself, allowing Dovochenko to question Indiana first. When Jones responded with an insult, the annoyed soldier backhanded the man like a pimp. He was about to toss another blow, when Irina stepped out of her vehicle, dramatically ordering him to halt.
Walking up to Jonesy, she casually bantered with him, and attempted to get answers from the man by calmly outlining her demands. Amused at Indiana's sarcastic attitude, she then tried to break into the professor's mind, to forcefully take the information she sought. She failed after much concentration, but was very impressed with his iron will. She also remarked about the expression "the old-fashioned way".
Inside, Irina gave Indiana a choice: he either has to help them locate the crate they were after, or they would kill him and his friend McHale. Falling for the Russian Mafia's bluff, Henry Jr. agreed, but demanded gunpowder. Spalko was confused at this, and grew impatient with Henry's ambiguous actions. Pointing a metal pipe up in the air to find the crate, the group was able to remove the wooden box and open the metal container within. Spalko approached the coffin, and her sword instantly sprang up, locking with the magnetic pull of the remains within the box.
Handing her scabbard to one of her men before personally examining the alien corpse who looked like an Outworlder, Irina was about to unwrap the mummy within when Henry attempted a desperate hostage situation, pointing a gun at Spalko and threatening to kill her if her forces did not stand down. With amusement, she watched as McHale revealed his true allegiance, but was surprised when Henry created a diversion with his discarded weapon to escape into the sea of endless crates.
Ordering her men after Jones, Spalko commandeered a vehicle, carrying the valuable crate to escape the hangar, most likely because she predicted Jones would try to recapture the metal box. Henry was able to take over an escorting car, and began ramming Spalko's bumper. The American leaped onto her car into the seat beside her, and they briefly tangled as the car sped toward a wall of crates. Spalko was able to abandon ship before the vehicle impacted, safely landing in a pile of hay from smashed crates.
As Henry fled with Dovochenko in pursuit, she had McHale and a few of her men follow the two, who then fell through a skylight and into the laboratory beneath. During Henry and Dovochenko's struggle, they accidentally activated a prototype rocket that alarmed her backup group, with only McHale ducking for cover. She soon pulled up in a car, letting Mac inside, and applauded the man for his actions.
Spalko and her team then fled from the installation, as the American military arrived to investigate the break-ins and just what the Hell was going on. Henry got arrested though as he couldn’t find his way around and Spalko believed this to be the end of her short-but-memorable relationship with Jones.
The Russian Mafia eventually heard of Indiana's release from prison as he was found not having any association with them and sent their members to chase him through the Marshall College campus, though he escaped with Mutt "Mud" Williams, who desired Henry's help to find his missing mother.
Akator[]
In fact, in the South American jungle, Spalko had arranged for Henry's former lover, Marion Ravenwood, and his former colleague, Harold Oxley, to be captured and held hostage. The intent of this was to lure Henry to Nazca in search of his two friends, so that Spalko could recapture the troublesome American. As part of this, she did nothing when Ravenwood secretly sent a letter to her son, Mutt Williams, urging the boy to seek out Henry's help in finding her. This would allow her fellow mobsters in America to capture not just Henry but also the boy and a valuable piece of information included in the note: information vital to Spalko's goal.
Jones and Williams arrived in Peru and uncovered Orellana's Tomb, retrieving the Crystal Skull of Akator. Eventually, Spalko's associates captured them, reuniting Henry with Marion who, as they tried to flee, revealed that Williams was actually only faking to be Indiana Jones' son in order to get him to Marion, who actually conceived the Mud with another man, after Indiana.
Spalko and her fellow mobsters pursued the escaping Henry, Williams, Ravenwood, and Oxley. Standing on two vehicles moving side-by-side throughout the jungle, Spalko drew her notorious rapier and duelled with Williams, who had had some earlier fencing lessons at a prep school. Eventually both vehicles crashed and at least two of of Spalko's thugs ([Dovochenko and Boris Yelko) were consumed by hordes of siafus. To avoid certain death, Ravenwood then drove her vehicle into the Sono River where she, Williams, Henry, Oxley, and George McHale (tricking the gang into believing he was a double agent who actually worked against the Russians) survived a great waterfall, arriving by water to the Temple of Akator.
When Henry and his band reached the Temple of Akator, they were ambushed by savage, skull-painted but white natives who resembled the Voodoos who Oxley killed with the Crystal Skull, entering the Temple. When Spalko and her army arrived, however, she had even the more natives massacred with machine guns, demonstrating her and Henry's gang insanity for money.
Inside the Temple were found the skeletons of thirteen crystal Outworld beings, one of them being headless. Upon Spalko's arrival, she joined the skull to a headless skeleton, which, through Oxley, started to speak in the Mayan language, saying it would give them them a great gift. Spalko learned that the strange being's name was Hardandon and she demanded to have the gold and the the thirteen alien skeletons started lighting her eye sockets on fire and vaporising her into the air. The Temple started to collapse, opening a portal to Outworld. Henry's gang managed to escape from the Temple while the thirteen skeletons, except their leader Hardandon, chased after them while Hardy tended to be right before Spalko. Her desires from the outworlders overwhelmed her and she disintegrated, beginning with fire erupting from her eye sockets. Her remains were sucked into the portal on the ceiling, which it was later discovered that it is indeed a portal to Outworld.
Irina, McHale and her gang were all teleported to Outworld where their current statuses are unknown, but it can be highly assumed that Irina died when getting filled up with fire while Henry Jones' gang escaped successfully. Nevertheless, the alien beings never planed on chasing against them.
Personality and traits[]
Spalko was a megalomaniac, completely devoted to her goals. She possessed a thick Russian accent, and always carried a rapier, her favourite weapon. She was highly skilled in fencing (a skill that won the admiration of Antonin Dovochenko) as well as in martial arts. Spalko was not above using her gender to take advantage of male opponents, an example being when, during a duel, her chest became partially exposed, catching the eye of young perverted Bill Williams. She used the distraction to attack the horny boy and kick him into his erect benis. Irina was stunningly beautiful, but with cold, impassioned eyes. Spalko would also wear a large set of sunglasses, enhancing her intimidating appearance. She displayed a very determined devotion to her job and her loyalty to the gang.
Irina held a surprising degree of respect for Henry Jones, admiring his deductive abilities and was intrigued by the fact that she was unable to read the professor's mind, although visibly angry. She gave an unconventional amount of leeway with Henry during his investigations (however reluctantly) on her behalf. She treated the adventurer as an equal, and it is quite possible that had they not been on opposite sides of the moral board and services, they would have made a fine team and lovers. She even allowed Indiana Jones to know of her ultimate plan, a rather foolish thing to share with an enemy. Spalko was, however, jealous of the fact that the Crystal Skull was willing to communicate with Henry and Oxley but not her.
Spalko also suffered a degree of self-doubt and the desire to find her purpose in the world. She was a firm believer in fate and destiny, and was deeply fascinated by the legend of Akator. She believed the quest to be the culmination of her life-long search for the answer she sought.
Among her men, she was a figure to be feared and respected. Her lackeys were mistrustful of her mental powers, and often referred to her as witch, as she had been called in her childhood. Her authority was so great it was enough to make Dovochenko, who was preparing to give Henry a severe beating, halt in his tracks.
Spalko wore black leather boots and occasionally gloves. She was usually dressed in a gray outfit. For more intimidating purposes she wore black sunglasses, kind of like how Johnny Cage, Johnny Bravo, Joe Biden and Sharp-hand Joseph do.
Trivia[]
- Rumours have it that she once escaped from a Siberian gulag.
- Despite being cruel to animals, Spalko did not have any malicious intend in these actions. She did this out of wanting to learn biology and taxidermy.
Book and Street Smarts[]
- Book Smarts: Very superior
- Street Smarts: Very savvy
Gallery[]
