|
This article, Earth Wrasslin' Federation, is property of Demon Redwood. |
- "Nchtha zno ta... Fnrt pwusko vtulla pa... Ka boosh... Mitrolla!!!"
- — Kaligus on WWWE
Earth Wrasslin' Federation, often abbreviated to simply as EWF, is an entertainment wrasslin' company situated in Canada. It was formed in 2021 by two aliens; Kaligus Proganas and Vivudus Shikas Pagulus.
EWF is one of Earth's most popular forms of entertainment, being watched even by the other planets of the Multiverse Federation. The company has become so profitable and rich that it makes as much money as companies like Disney and Amazon, owned by Bob Iger and Jeffrey Bezos.
EWF is in direct competition with WWE in US, owned by the Mishima Corporation.
History[]
In 2054, two rich aliens joined together and created EWF. They got rich by conning the living crap out of their fellow aliens back on their homeplanet of Dac. The EWE wrestling arena was built in the city of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. The two non-yuman owners are Kaligus Proganas and Vivudus Shikas Pagulus, belonging to the Merj race.
At first, EWF was scrutinised for being a rip-off of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) owned by Jin Kazama, but after people actually sat down and watched the brutal and life-threatening matches for themselves, they have become addicted to it like how the Innocentz are addicted to drugs and black metal. Since Spring of 2054, EWF has risen to the top of the world and has surpassed WWE in terms of sales, viewership and reviews, but for how long that'll stay remains to be seen. It should also be noted that unlike the WWE, EWF isn't racist and nazi scumbags and confederates aren't allowed to fight in the firm, but commies, SJW's, and non-white racists are. However, EWF is also a lot more brutal than WWE and suprestars die here on daily basis.
Fighters[]
- William Williamson
- William Stracci
- Willie Lesster
- Victor Barzini
- Sam
- Goro Luntz
- Joe Clemenza
- Daffy Duck
- Gaston Tidmore
- Mr. President (fake, cosplay)
- A bunch of others fighters who have died already, like Homer Simpstons
Staff[]
- Kaligus Proganas and Vivudus Shikas Pagulus - CEO's, commentators, ring announcers, belt thieves, interviewers and the highest paid persons in the compania
- Georgy (also called Orgy) - The ref for each match
- Steven - The janitor
- Tommy - The action figure seller
- Eddy, Burton and Hugo - Security guards
- Peter - Gatekeeper
- Dirk - The preacher who teaches Merj's religion
- Baba Yaga - The fortune telling witch who tells us exactly who will win each match
Trivia[]
- EWF is so popular that even worlds outside of Multiverse Federation and Milky Way watch it.
- Vince McMahon HATES EWF as it stole everything about WWE. "You stole everything from me!", yells Vinnie. The CEO Jin Kazama however, doesn't give much sith. Kaligus and Pagulus like to taunt Vince by placing his likeness on the floor and ring so their wrestlers can walk all over him, bleed all over him and even poop and pee all over him or pour water and coffee all over him. They even put his face on the ugly belt which was given as a reward for the Ugly Championship, inspired by the 1880's outlaw faction, the Ugly Gang.
- The entire EWF building, which is roughly the same size as the West Edmonton Walmart Mall, only has one janitor named Steven.
- When hiring brand new wrestlers, the contract has a fine print that makes it so wrestlers are forced to work for EWF for the rest of their lives, unless the bosses grow tired of them and kill them by devouring their flesh and suck out their souls.
- Sometimes in 2054, EWF hired a fake Frank Kenson a wrestler in order to attract retarded republicans. The same goes for other dead wrestlers they somehow "revived".
- There are rumors about staff mistreatment in EWF; the more popular the wrestler is, the more pampered they are and get lots of money and diamond watches and free donuts, coffee, hot dogs, hot pigs, you name it. The less popular they are, they get neglected, being forced to jerk off the alien bosses, drink their pee, lick the walls to clean 'em of bugs, get charged extra for bathroom usage, get used as the journeymen's sloppy seconds, you name it. Some wrestlers were locked in wooden barracks somewhere outside in the stadium and starved to death due to the staff not allowing 'em to survive on their own sweat and pee or peas.
- The audience members are picked by Kaligus and Vivudus to be used as training dummies for their wrestlers. They always get beaten to death and the two alien suckers then munch on their putrid corpse in their office like some wild animals.
- The floor on the stage are made out of either: wood, steel, iron, gold, silver, diamond, buddha stuff or worst yet - bricks, resulting in severe injuries and sometimes even death of the wrestlers, but never the ref as he is careful af not to step too hastily on the ground. A lot of times wrestlers have wood stuck in 'em after fighting on the wooden floor.
- The CEO's, despite being multi-billionaires, are extremely cheap and use cardboards to divide the audience from the wrestlers. They also give no cleaning equipment to the janitor, he had to use his own stuff, the ref has regular clothes, the bathrooms are a complete mess, there has to be security and gatekeepers because the doors are broken or there just isn't any doors in some of the rooms and the wrestlers' locker rooms are almost empty, save for some cloth-hangers and a bunch of posters of Kaligus and Pagulus.
- The light in the fighting ring sometimes goes out for a min or becomes very dim, so the wrestlers don't even know wtf they're standings and miss most of their punches.
- The CEO's office is the nicest room in the building as it has a golden chair, golden computers, statues of the owners and a bunch of vending machines.
- It's spelt Wrasslin' instead of Wrestling because the two alien overlords don't know how to spell the latter, stupid.