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This article, Bernie Sanders, is property of Squirrely the Horrible. |
| Bernie Sanders | |
|---|---|
| |
| Biographical information | |
| Real name | Bernard Sanders |
| Also known as | Sanders, Mr. Sanders, Burnie, Burn, Jew guy, The Democratic Socialist, Lenin, old man Sanders, The Based Sanders, Our Guy, Mitten guy, Mouse |
| Nationality |  Jewish-American (Polish and Russian ancestry)
|
| Born | September 8, 59 BH |
| Age | 81 |
| Status | Alive |
| Birthplace | Brooklyn, New York, US |
| Physical description | |
| Eye colour | Brown |
| Hair colour | White |
| Ethnicity | Caucasian-Jewish (Ashkenazi) |
| Height | 6'0" |
| Weight | 71 kg |
| Blood type | B- (probably) |
| Gender | Male |
| Career, affiliations and family information | |
| Affiliation(s) |  The Democratic Party (former), his supporters, socialists, Hillary Clinton (formerly), Jacques Dixmor
|
| Enemies |  The GOP, Frank Kenson, capitalists, conservatives,  Kenson's Republican Party
|
| Notable family members | Larry Sanders (brother), Jane O'Meara (wife), unnamed kids |
| Video Games, Movies and Cartoons information | |
| Main appearance(s) (Video Games) | Probably some crappy Alt-Right, anti-left games |
- "A nation will not survive morally, nor economically when so few have so much and so many have so little! We need to change our entire economical structure!"
- — Bernie Sanders sucking up to the poor, but he is right in a way
Bernie Sanders, despite his age, is a Junior Senator from Vermont where he owns a large, white mansion and also a couple of cabins in the forest. Despite this, he chooses to fight for the poor, in a similar role as Abraham Reys did, however it is indeed better for the poor folk to have a rich guy fight for 'em than another hobo. He is a Democratic Socialist, being one of the few politicians in US to describe themselves as a socialist, along with the likes of Patrick Leahy. In my professional opinion, that sounds rebel and based af, although it is questionable if he would really help the poor if he were to get in power, but let's hope he wouldn't, they're all lazy sleazebags anyway.
He is noted as one of the few American politicians that does not flip-flop his views all the time, except on gun ownership.
Info[]
Bernard was born on September 8, 59 BH in Brooklyn, New York City, just like Scarface and back when mobsters ran the place, like the Bonannos (reminds me of bananas) and the Colombos. His father, Elias Yehuda Sanders, was born in Słopnice, a town in Austria that was then part of Austro-Hungary and is now in Poland, so basically he was Polish with some Austro-Hungarian roots, but I assure you that that empire sucked as. Elias immigrated to the United States 20 years before Sanders was born and became a paint salesman (that reminds me a bit of Hitler. What a coincidence.). Bernie's mother, Dohorty, on the other hoof, had Russian roots.
Bernie became interested in politicks at a young age and despised Olaf Tutchenko, rejecting his idea that the Outworlders would destroy Europe, or the Earth if they seized power, and instead said that the more diversed a place is, the better. Bernie was a socialist but in order to blend in with the other greedy scoundrel and politicians who just wished to get some more money into their pockets, he identified as a liberal.
Sanders was good at basketball in his youth, so much so that even Michael Jordan, Rodman (not Greedo), Luka Dončić and that other Serbian guy would be jealous. Considering this, it is possible he was one of The Jocks in high school, but not a bully obviously.
When the time was ripe he joined politics officially, first opposing segregation back when it was popular as opposed to his fellow Democrat, Joe Biden, who wanted blacks as far away from the white man as possible. He would later oppose police brutality, especially against gays and blacks and even went to see a speech of MLK Jr. live. Next he would be defending gay rights in the military in the '80's (or like 20 years BH), being one of the few liberals to do so. He was also too old to be drafted into the Outworld War, but claimed he would reject the draft anyway as he preferred peace n' sith and simped for those commies. He would then travel to the Soviet Union and protest the crushing of the Berlin Wall, even throwing a stone into one of the workers' (or de-constructors) head, causing the guy to fall down and break his arms. Sanders would receive a medal for that from Gorbachev himself and said "The bass, the rock, the mic, the tremble! I like my coffee black, just like my metal!" while crossing a hammer and sickle between his arms.
He would make his fame during the 2016 USA Presidential elections where he would run as a Democrat for the primaries only to be defeated by Hillary Clinton.
Despite being very pro-choice, pro-poor, anti-1% and a left-wing populist, the CNN really didn't like Sanders very much, well they don't like any type of populism in general, and instead simped for Hillary Clinton, who eventually beat Sanders' old, wrinkly as. However, Sanders got a lot of support from the Dixmor Dynasty and even met with Jacques Dixmor personally before the elections, who gave him some advice on how the game of politics is truly played. However, I bet Jacques told Hillary the same thing, both parties are just puppets of the Dixmor Project anyway and there is only the illusion of the fact that voting matters. (In real life, Bernie got his support from the Rothschild family.) It should also be noted that like most American politicians, Sanders preferred Israel over Palestine.
After his dropout, he still insisted on supporting Hillary, particularly over Jill Stein, another Jew.
Bernie took part in the second part of the Democratic debates on June 26, 19 AH for the 2020 presidential elections. Although he managed to get a lot of support from the people, him and Andrew Yang were the least liked by the media and Joe Biden swept both of them under the rug, easily, he did have CNN's backing after all. Hell, CNN privately has to suck Biden's cok, he has that much power.
Future Career Moves[]
Seeing that the Democratic Party, like the Republican one, is nothing than a bunch of rich, money-loving folk just competing for power, Sanders jumped out of the party and became independent again. Whether he'll join back the Dems to run in 2024 is unknown, however even if he does, it is possible the GOP, other Dems and the media will try to hinder his reputation and popularity.
Despite this, Bernie was present during Biden's takeover of America, aka inauguration and was seen sitting in the back with mittens on his hands and crossed arms while Biden talked about how all men and women were created equally, y'know, by the thing. Sanders' position was then used as a meme all over the internet. Hell, it even appeared on Slovenian news stations.
Political Policies[]
- Abortion: Pro
- Racial equality: Pro
- LGBT rights: Pro
- Subsidised healthcare: Pro
- Gun control: Depends, but the NRA supports him
- Ideology: Democratic Socialism
- Economic Policy: Liberal-Socialism, would give average joes higher pay and lower the CEO's pay
- Religious Policy: None, technically Judaism
- War Policy: Anti-Military
- Tax cuts for the wealthy: Strongly pro
- Protecting the environment: Pro
Trivia[]
- I used to hate him, but he's kinda okay now.